Note for The Week of 3/15/10

I’ve written a lot about friendship in these columns. I’ve written poems, filled journals and have had my pen glide the stitching of many bar napkins across San Francisco, all in an attempt to unravel the mystery of a “best friend”. This is because a single girl doesn’t have much else in the way of love, than a solid best friend relationship. Now that I think of it, I’ve probably become an expert at platonic relationships these past three years.

This morning, during Sunday service, Abby Chew discussed overabundance, abundance, and having just what you need when you need it. She discussed the miracles that happen in our everyday lives and how they come at the perfect time and for the right reasons. Honestly, I felt like an alcoholic (off the wagon) at an AA meeting. Convicted when made to face the reality of my ungrateful attitude and pompous demeanor towards The Man Upstairs. Convicted, because my focus has been off. Or possibly, convicted because my heart has been selfish with what my mind thinks are worthy ideals.

This is the season of Lent. An ancient tradition that involves giving something up for 40 days and 40 nights before Easter. I am participating by giving up “Booze and Boys” That’s right, no martini’s ... and definitely no 2 a.m. booty calls to ex-boyfriends. No flirting, kissing, or dancing under moonlights. No love letters, poems, or cute little videos transferred via ichat. No cup-caking text messages in the morning to someone I might be crushing on... not for the remaining 20 some-odd days anyway. This morning during Abby’s message, I realized that maybe my focus for Lent has been off. I realized what I'm actually learning instead of just sobriety, or just abstaining.

Yes, not pursuing romantic relationships, and managing sobriety, have both been challenging. But maybe the wrong challenges? I’ve been praying that at the end of these 40 days and 40 nights God will present ‘the one’ ... I’ve been praying that this season of single-hood will end.

I’ve had a pompous attitude because I know that MY God is grand. I know that there isn’t anything He can’t do. I know that He is bigger than any silly boy/girl connection. I know that He is bigger than a marriage or the desire for children. He is all things and all things are Him. When you pray to a God like that, you realize that you can ask for anything! Like Santa Clause! I want a relationship - make it happen! Unlike Santa Clause, my God is real, so why not become demanding? Why not put fist on table, look up and say, enough already!?

After Abby’s message this morning I realized what a fool I’ve been. Here I am, surrounded by people who love me... Surrounded by people whom I love... ungratefully demanding a different life.

After her message I realized that my ‘right now’ is perfect. I realized that I’ve had just the right amount of abundance in every single moment thus far. I realized that my friendships are helping me grow... that my church is feeding me... that my lifestyle is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

In the remaining 20 days of Lent I will be focusing (and praying for) inner peace instead. I’ll be praying that God takes away distractions towards such a goal, i.e., 'booze and boys'.

I’ll be praying that God gives me the knowledge to appreciate the love that is in my life and that he allows me enough willpower for hope in His mater plan. I'll be praying that he allows me the courage to stop writing out my own story and to just allow Him my life.

Thank you Abby Chew.

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